William is Here

At 4:12 p.m. our little boy arrived.  It was a brand new experience for Mike and I being behind the hospital drapes and being told he was about to be born.  They told me I would feel a lot of pressure while they pushed/pulled him out and that I did, for a few seconds it was hard to take a deep breath, but then in no time he was here.  They held him up and Mike peaked over the curtain to check out his bits and announced that we were having a boy.  By the time he looked down at me he already had tears in his eyes, as did I, our family was complete with this little boy.  Instantly our exuberant excitement was a tad clouded by his slightly muffled cries, they were immediate but weak and garbled.As the NICU nurse and respiratory therapist worked to stabilize him, I could see him having retractions (chest going out and sucking in very hard) and them using oxygen.  I instantly knew it wasn’t good and after a few seconds they confirmed that the needed to take him upstairs to the NICU.  Mike and I got to take a few pictures with him, I kissed him and then I sent my 2 boys on their way, while I was still laying open on an operating table.  I sent out a text finally to our families and a few friends that he had been born and that we still didn’t know his name.  At that point we didn’t clue many people in to what exactly was going on, because we didn’t know for sure either.  Mike and I were texting back and forth about what was happening to me and how our little guy was doing.  It was also how we finalized his name.  Both how William was born and the aftermath of his birth were a long ways off from our “plan.”  After they closed me up and brought me to my recovery room it felt like forever before we got the call that they were admitting William to the NICU and that I needed to get up there ASAP to see him and to help Mike make some decisions about his care.  They unlocked my hospital bed and we were off, I don’t think I had any idea what type of condition William was actually in until I saw him.  He looked so tiny in his little radiant warmer, he was already hooked up to a C-PAP (continuous positive airway pressure) machine, had monitors connected to check his body temperature, a pulse oximeter (to check the oxygen in his blood, the cardiopulmonary monitor (breathing and heart rate) and an IV to deliver fluids (they were not allowing him to eat), a tube into his stomach (for eventual feedings and to pull off extra air that was pushed in by the C-PAP machine and antibiotics (because he came early they did not have the results of my group b strep culture back).  There were a lot of tubes and he looked really miserable.  He also was still really struggling to breathe and he had this little grunting whimper that came out with each breath. 

Shortly after Mike and William left and got up to the NICU, William had a huge destat, drop in his major vital signs, where his heart and lungs started to beat and breath slower his body lost oxygen and he turned blue.  He needed to be resuscitated with the oxygen mask and after a few trying seconds all things were ok, but this led doctors to be further concerned about his overall condition.  After they did a chest x ray they saw his lungs were still either a bit immature or that he could have had the early signs of pneumonia.  They also were concerned he had or was going to develop PPHN (persistent pulmonary hypertension of the newborn).  Mike and I were allowed to touch him, but we could not hold him, my heart was shattered.  He was so sick and in this little thing with tubes and all I could think was how scared and confused his little still developing body and brain must be.  We new the first 12 hours were going to be crucial and that the goal of the first night was to keep him off of the ventilator.  Then the next hardest moment happened, or maybe it was the hardest, or maybe it was the start of a collection of unthinkably hard things that were about to come happened, we had to leave our brand new newborn baby who was struggling to breathe, it was now 7:30 ish and the nurses needed to check me out some more and get me settled in a new room.  The mind is a tricky thing, in talking about these first few hours Mike and I feel like they are a bit of a blur, somewhere between our minds helping us forget the trauma and the reality of how scared we both actually were.  At this point most of our family had no clue what had happened and were also scrambling making arrangements to come help and worrying about our little family.  It was so not how we had planned!

After we left William’s side for the first time, Mike and my nurse got me settled back in my room.  My night nurse was soo sweet and she told me she would bring me back for the 8:30 and 5:30 touch times (the schedule set by the NICU for William’s feedings/diaper changes/”touching”) if I could get up and move and if I felt up to it. 

Mike got me settled and after about 10 minutes we kissed said goodbye and he headed home to try to return some normalcy to the kiddos and let Debbie head home after 2 days taking care of our kiddos.  William and I were in good hands, although it is always a bit hard and scary to be alone and feel like your once “normal” life has been split down the middle. 

We called our families and tried to prepare them for the picture they were about to see and update them on William’s condition.   We were all scared and didn’t know what the next few hours or days would bring but we were praying for the best and hoping the outcome would be William coming home sooner than later.

Hospital and Labor

After several days of feeling just sort of off and having consistently high blood pressure readings at home Mike and I decided we should finally check in with the doctor.  My doctor was still on maternity leave until Monday so I called her on call partner and she wanted to see me in the office.  The kiddos and I had planned on going to the zoo that morning, but instead we headed to her office.  When there my blood pressure was a tiny bit lower to a point she was ok with but she wanted to do a non stress test just to make sure the baby was doing ok as well.

At this point everything was routine for me so we went in I got hooked up and the baby looked great.  Then all of a sudden I started to feel worse, like I was starting down the path to passing out.  I hurried up and sent Mike a text message on where I was and that he needed to come because something wasn’t right.  I had Thomas open the door and ask for a nurse and grabbed a fruit leather to eat, hoping it was low blood sugar.  The doctor came in and that is when things got really serious.  She didn’t like that when I felt like I was going to pass out, the baby’s heart rate dropped for close to 2 minutes, it wasn’t really low, but it dropped enough to show something crazy happened.  At that point she felt it was best to admit me to the hospital and get my blood pressure under control again and for constant monitoring.  She said she ideally wanted me there 8 days until I reached 37 weeks, and I immediately started to cry.  I told her that I couldn’t imagine being in the hospital that long and that it would cause me more stress/anxiety than good.  Soo she agreed that if my lab work and 24 hour urine test (best indicator for high blood pressure starting into eclampsia) came back negative she would let me out after a day or so.  By that time Mike was on his way and we met 5 minutes later at the hospital.  I was a pretty big mess for about 5 minutes, because this was the first time in all my pregnancies that with the high blood pressure the baby hadn’t been looking fantastic.  I wasn’t worried about me, I was worried about getting this little boy or girl here and healthy when we had come so far.  Anyway, we got checked in and then Mike took the kids home to get lunch, naps, and get stuff for me.  They came back that night and we watched frozen, had dinner and just relaxed.  My blood pressures at that point still were not fantastic and my headache was still not going away.The plan at that point stayed the same with me seeing my doctor again in the morning.  That morning I also had a maternal fetal medicine doctor come and do an ultrasound.  He said everything looked great with the baby, my fluid levels were good and that the baby measured at 7 lbs 7 oz.  He then made me a bit nervous as he told me that if it was his wife she would be staying in the hospital because the risk of something bad happening was far too great.  It started to become a little more real then that they were not really worried about the baby, they were worried about me.  I too then finally started to worry about myself and have to admit was ready, so ready, to be done being pregnant because I was scared, really scared.  My nurse that morning also admitted that she was very nervous about my blood pressures because at that point they still were not coming down and were in the 150s/high 90s.  My doctor came back and talked to me and explained that it was just a balancing act from here on out, but that she didn’t think I would be going home.  She thought that the next few days would be crucial to see how I was going to handle the increased blood pressures and if they could get them under control while they tried to keep me pregnant until closer to 37 weeks.  Then it happened after my morning medication I had 2 back to back high blood pressures, 174/117 and then 16_/109 my nurse left to call the doctor and came back and said it was time for a baby.  WHAT!!!!!

I asked what to do and who to call and how quick it would happen.  Let’s just say by the time I called Mike, my nurse and a CAN were in the room getting me ready and packing me and my stuff up as I wasn’t allowed to get out of bed.  By the time I called my mom to tell her what was happening I already had my IV started.  They then wheeled me down to labor and delivery and within a half hour of that I had both pitocin and magnesium sulfate started and my water had been broke with an internal monitor to make sure the baby was doing ok and to “slowly” break the water.  Mike still was at home getting the kiddos squared away.  I have to admit it was a lot more of a fire drill than we have ever experienced before. 

When Mike arrived he was ready for baby time…so was I.  I was having steady contractions and I was starting to feel them more.  I started from pretty much 0 cm and 0 percent effaced.  They were hoping because it was my 3rd my body would just kick in and start going on its own…it had a different plan.  At 3:30 I was 3 cm and 50% effaced, so making good progress, by 4:30 contractions 2-3 minutes apart.  I wasn’t dilating as fast as what I hoped as the 2-3 minute contractions were pretty intense, and continuing to get stronger.  Just when they would get into a great pattern and get really intense they would start to spread out.  The nurses would adjust the pitocin down and then we would start the process over.  The pitocin was trying to give me contractions and the magnesium sulfate (which I needed for my blood pressure) was a smooth muscle relaxer that was trying to keep my uterus relaxed.  It was a tough battle and just when the pitocin would get it going and my body would be getting into a good pattern, it seems the mag would then start its job.  It was a long night up and down. 

I was doing really well in the limited movement factor alternating between positions in the bed, bouncing on the ball, walking to the bathroom and being in a rocking chair.   As most of you know I was convinced this 3rd labor was going to be my great labor, I thought I was going to go into labor on my own (which changed to being induced quickly) and that I was not going to have an epidural (as I was very terrified of that after my spinal headache and experience and had been advised not to).  Anyway I felt awesome, I was really in the zone and was powering through all the contractions, felt relaxed and was channeling the intensity and pain well, I was ready to do this.  At 10 p.m. I was about 5 c.m. and still plugging along, I was more uncomfortable, but still feeling mentally tough.  By 1 a.m. I was at 7 c.m. and we thought we should be close to the home stretch, Mike said he was taking my phone away as I was still letting my mom and a few friends know what was going on.  We then flipped into baby name mode and between each contraction we were going over our lists of names, searching for new ones.  It was then about 4 in the morning when Mike went to get his caffeine boost and he came back with this.  William had been one of our top boy names for some time and this sealed the deal for us.  It was pretty crazy, I have to admit I have not seen another share a coke with Will since that night, and I have been looking! 

By 4 a.m. I was exhausted and pretty miserable.  I wanted to get into the water to help myself relax and because I was on the magnesium they would not let me.  I was so frustrated and just done and wanted to meet this baby.  The nurses checked me again and I was now at 8 c.m. and they said that they wanted me to try some pain medication to see if it could take the edge off for me.  I then really got upset because I was wanting to do it without.  After they left Mike and I talked and decided if there was still no more progress after another hour, I would try a round of pain medicine.  6 a.m. came and there was no progress so they gave me a dose of Demerol.  It was a pretty fancy medicine, I could still feel all the contractions but I felt like I was floating on a cloud and they were not as intense, it gave me relief and I was able to rest intermittently for about an hour, hoping that when it was done I would be 10 cm and would be ready to push.

My doctor came in at 7 a.m. with the shift change of nurses and I was still at 8 c.m. and my contractions had again slowed down.  We talked about a plan and my doctor said she was kind of at a loss for what to do, as she was very stumped why my body was reacting the way it was.  We were all frustrated and so we decided to try a different direction to get me the last 2 c.m. and give my body a break from the pitocin.  The doctor begged me to get an epidural and after a lot of tears and convincing me that her girl Victoria would nail it I agreed.  I was so terrified!  Victoria the nurse anesthetist came in and at 9:30 a.m. I got the epidural.  I do have to say she nailed it, it was the most simple epidural I had ever had and it worked almost immediately.  My doctor then came in and gave me cervidil to see if that would help me dilate further.  At this point I was also no longer getting pitocin and the cervidil needed to “work” for 4 hours before I could have more pitocin.  With the epidural and while the cervidil was trying to work I was able to rest.  At that point my contractions were super spread out and not very strong.  At 12:30 p.m. my contractions were non existent and they checked me again and I was 8.5 c.m. and very soft so the doctor thought that maybe I would be able to push William out without contractions or being completely dilated.  She had them turn the pitocin on again to see if we could get more contractions, and after an hour it still didn’t kick my body in.  About 2 p.m. I tried to push without contractions or being more dilated than 8.5 cm and although I was “pushing” the right way he wasn’t coming down.  The doctor then talked to Mike and I very seriously about having a c section.   BOOOO HISSSS….I was defeated, and so so tired!  After I had my emotional meltdown, gave my doctor her warning speech that she was not allowed to let me die on the operating table (I mean come on at this point we all knew my body reacted not the right way to anything and red heads typically bleed more) we all agreed that a c section was the way to go.  By that point I was just ready to be done and meet our little boy or girl…and see Thomas and Elin!  We haven’t talked much about them in this story, but they were having a blast hanging out with “Grandma Debbie” and her daughter Shelby.  They went to the movie Planes Fire and Rescue, had lunch and were playing up a storm.  I was sure they wouldn’t want me to ever stop having this baby!

My nurse anesthetist, Victoria came back in and at 3 p.m. administered the spinal block.  Ishy poo, it made my blood pressure plummet to 80/50 and I felt awful like I was going to pass out.  They came back in and gave me 4 rounds of epinephrine to bump it back up a bit and then we found out that another baby was in distress and I was going to be pushed back from having the c section now to having it “next.”  It gave them time to give me some anti nausea medication and “feel better.”   We also gave Mike’s parents a heads up what was happening and I called my sister in law Molly to tell her so she could tell my mom, who was at her house taking care of my niece Maggie.  I didn’t want her to be alone and find out because I knew she would be so worried about me.  We then waited until they came back to re-administer the second spinal medication.   They were all laughing at me because I wanted to make sure I couldn’t feel my belly so I was pinching myself “just to make sure.”  It was also so crazy because I could see them moving my legs and I couldn’t feel them, it made me want to puke…I stopped looking and asked them to not let me see when these things were happening!

By this point Mike and I were so excited that our long day/night was almost over and we were going to get to meet our little boy or little girl.  We took a quick selfie and off we went to the operating room. 

Baby 3 Update…

Well so far our 3rd Baby, boy or girl is happy and comfy growing in my belly.  We had our 29 week checkup and an ultrasound on Thursday the 29th and although the little one wouldn’t stop moving, everything on the inside looked as it should.  The baby is measuring at just over 3 pounds and 15 inches long.  The baby continues to measure a week or a week and a half ahead.  After this ultrasound and seeing that the little one looks more and more like a baby, I have found myself  trying to wrap my head around how much our lives will change in a few short months…Thomas and Elin are crazy active and it seems like it is going to be complete insanity to add a 3rd to this mix.  It is also getting increasingly more exciting for Mike and I to figure out what this baby’s gender is…we have never not known the baby’s sex before so this is a new thing for us.  It is very exciting and fun and we talk a lot about the “if the baby is a boy…or if the baby is a girl…”  Any guesses???

A few weeks ago I had my gestational diabetes test and I passed that.  Phew!  I have been feeling much much bigger with this pregnancy so I was actually a little nervous about passing.  As expected by the doctors my blood pressure has started to creep up, I have been hopeful that we would avoid this but nonetheless here we are.  I had a few good tears about it, decided to pick up my pieces and now am ready to move forward with whatever is best for the babe and myself.  They are going to be keeping close tabs on everything from here on out and as of now the plan is weekly visits with a biophysical profile of the baby and further tests if needed (blood work, non stress tests, ect.)  For the baby with high blood pressure they worry about 2 things, restricted growth and low amniotic fluid, which as of right now (and with both Thomas and Elin’s pregnancies) remain good.  For me they worry about the increased taxing on my heart and developing preeclampsia.   So far in this and both other pregnancies I have been able to have only high blood pressure at the end, all of the other things that they expect to happen like crazy blood levels and excess protein being unable to be managed by my body haven’t happened.  So I am feeling very hopeful that this will remain the same with this babe too.  The only thing I am pretty concerned about and trying to wrap my head around is that with my blood pressure going up the doctor might suggest an induction again, that is something that from the beginning I have wanted to avoid.  So we will see how this journey progresses over the next 10/11 weeks.

The kids are getting more and more excited about the baby coming as well.  Both Thomas and Elin love babies.  Thomas loves snuggling with my growing belly and will often come over and ask if I can “give him that baby belly.”  It has been a lot of fun to see his expressions and hear his questions as his little brother/sister high fives and kicks him.  He always asks “what did that one mean?”  Elin understands as well as she can, but because she is a little younger I don’t think she gets it completely.  She is always asking to see and hold her cousin Baby Maggie and Baby Presley (Thomas’ buddies little 4 month old sister) so she does love her babies.  I can’t wait to see them both as big brother and big sister I know that they will be fantastic and so excited to teach the baby all their wild ways.   More updates to come as we keep on counting down the weeks!

30 Week Appointment

Before I had time to post this I had another ultrasound and doctor appointment with some new information.  It was a bit of a whirl wind appointment and after checking the baby and seeing that he/she was still doing great I met with the doctor.  We checked my blood pressure and she reviewed the blood pressures I had been taking at home, at the office it was 150/105 and that is where it is typically at home too with some a bit higher and some a bit lower.  We both agreed that they were high, and she finally said they were high enough that it was time for me to move to the next level and start taking medicine to try to lower it a bit.  She also ran lab work on both my urine and blood to make sure that my body was still handling everything ok and I was not developing preeclampsia, all the labs came back normal, phew!  

The other hiccup is that I have increased amniotic fluid and unless that stabilizes the doctor will continue to monitor that closely, so Mike and I are hoping that it does stabilize and all the “risks” she discussed with me are things we will no longer need to be worried about.

She also put an end to me traveling so I am unable to attend Mike’s Nana’s funeral and as of now our summer trip is on hold to Minnesota.  She said we need to get the blood pressure under control because where it is right now isn’t safe for me and therefore for the baby.  We discussed that if I were to travel at this point with my BP this high if any doctor saw me and didn’t know my history of high blood pressure and not developing preeclampsia that we wouldn’t be leaving the hospital without me delivering a baby.  Mike and I discussed the risks/benefits and decided that the safest and right decision was for him to travel alone, as hard as that is for both of us, and the kids and I to stay back and get this under control.  What a wild week and lots of crazy emotions dealing with the loss of his Nana and the new worries/concerns about my blood pressure and the baby. 

I started taking medication on Friday night and so far it is slowly lowing my BP, which is what the doctor wanted.  I have a phone call check in tomorrow to report my blood pressures and then I have another ultrasound with biophysical profile and growth measurements this week and doctor appointment on Thursday.  Stay tuned…

Baby Laschen 3rd Edition

The 3rd (and with 99% certainty) final Laschen baby is expected to arrive sometime around the beginning of August!  The due date is a little bit loose as I had only had once cycle post pregnancy, thank you to nursing, so if we go according to that I would be due August 6th, but if we go according to our 10 week ultrasound I will be due August 15th.  Either way sometime in August we expect this little one to join our family

There has been a lot of emotions with this pregnancy.  From the moment I had Elin, I knew I wanted 1 more baby, Mike wasn’t so sure.  It took him awhile to wrap his head around 1 more, but then he decided it was a good idea too.   I felt pregnant from the beginning again, like I did with both kiddos, but all the tests I took were coming back negative.  I kept telling Mike, my close friends and my mom I felt tripolar as my emotions were going crazy.  I wanted to get pregnant and have the baby in the summer as I wanted to be able to have my mom here to help with the kiddos so this was really pushing the calendar if I didn’t get pregnant.  No pressure right.  I still hadn’t gotten any signs of having a period, but I was exhausted, emotional, and feeling oh so bloated, so right before Mike’s grandparents arrived I took another test.  I set it down and actually forgot about it in the furry that was cleaning and trying to get the house ready.  His grandparents arrived and after everyone was getting ready for bed I took a peak at the test and almost couldn’t believe my eyes, there were 2 faint lines.  I ran over and showed Mike and asked if he saw it.  Then I peed on another stick…this one didn’t show a line, or maybe it was there but too faint to believe it.  Hmmm…was I or wasn’t I pregnant?!  I ended up looking at all the other pregnancy test I had taken in the last few days to see if there was an evaporation line and there wasn’t.  Soo either this test was a fluke or I was pregnant. 

The next morning I snuck around at Target with Mike’s grandparents and purchased another “more accurate” pregnancy test.  When we got home I snuck it around some more and headed upstairs to take the test…there is was clear as day “pregnant” no messing with 1 line or 2 for this girl anymore.  The rest of the day it was hard to contain my excitement, but as always I was so cautious with my little baby being soo little and early. 

With how the timing worked out we were unable to get an ultrasound before we headed home for Christmas.  The doctor didn’t want to do an ultrasound too early and then not see a heartbeat or what they wanted and so we waited until we got back from our MN trip.  On January 10th we went into the doctor for our initial appointment and saw our little blob baby on the screen with a beautiful little heartbeat.  It started to feel more real, but still not super real yet.  Don’t know exactly why or if a lot of it was the question are Mike and I really jumping back into totally dependent, diapers, and constant care baby land?!The first 12 weeks were my least favorite thus far.  The constant exhaustion and so so relationship with food made the days long and chasing after the two energetic ones was tough.  Many days I napped with them or found myself going to bed at 7 or 8 p.m.  Since that has passed I have felt really good.  I have been able to return to normal-ish activities and so far the Texas heat hasn’t gotten to me.  It is already 90 degrees most afternoons and then cools to about 65/70 at night.  It is a change from our Seattle weather for sure, and I am so thankful that we have working air conditioning!

Our 20 week ultrasound was on Thursday March 20th.  My parents were in town so they took the kiddos after our morning at the museum and Mike met me at the appointment.  As always I was nervous for the ultrasound because I know that this is when many of my previous clients were clued into something going on with their children.  Mike and I have never completed the genetic testing with any of our babies so this would be the first time we would possibly see something wrong.  I always love looking looking at and hearing all the things in the “midline” of the baby are growing/developing normally, 4 chambers of the heart, 2 kidneys, 10 fingers, 10 toes, normal looking brain.  They can tell you a lot but not everything, but we always breathe a little easier after that appointment.  Thankfully this ultrasound went the same.  The baby is measuring “big” or overall a week ahead and then the babies tummy measured 2 weeks ahead.  The doctor asked if Thomas and Elin were big babies and Thomas was but Elin wasn’t.   So they wanted me to see if I felt like I was craving sugar/sweets as it could be a sign of gestational diabetes.  This was a little different for me, I always expect my blood pressure to be the trouble in pregnancy, I didn’t expect to hear gestational diabetes.  Nonetheless, the doctor wasn’t overly concerned as I don’t have to have my glucose test until the normal 27/28 weeks.   The only other thing that was noted in the ultrasound is that the baby is still in the breech position, which was also the same as Miss Elin, he or she has a lot of time to flip around so we will hopefully feel/see that before 34 weeks!

*the best picture, although still pretty creepy, we have of the little one as he/she was a wiggle worm during the whole ultrasound*

The other different thing about Baby 3 is that we are choosing to wait to find out until delivery if the baby is a boy or girl.  We have all the clothes/things for both a boy or a girl and I really feel like I need to have that excitement of finding out to help me deliver without an epidural (I am so nervous about this!)  We have been already blessed with a beautiful boy and girl and neither Mike or I have a preference for the next baby to be one or the other.  So it will be interesting to see how our family is completed and who is joining our family, another boy or girl. 

Over the last few  weeks everything has continued to feel more real, especially as I have now passed the flubby “might be pregnant/might have 2 kids” look.  The baby is growing and getting strong and stronger sending some nice jabs and kicks into my growing tummy.   I am starting to notice his or her pattern on sleep and awake times and my favorite is feeling the baby “jump” when a new loud noise comes up!  The kiddos are very excited about the baby, Thomas especially.  Thomas’ excitement makes me feel like he isn’t too scared from the rough month we had when Elin was born with me having a spinal headache and Elin spending 3 days in the hospital.  Elin doesn’t know really what to expect but the girl loves her babies so I think she will be a great big sister.  My good friend Kami made the kids their Big Brother/Big Sister shirts.  If your interest in anything cute and adorable check out her website Kalamity Kids.