A Terribly Sad Week…

Today, rather this week has been one of those weeks. It started last Friday when the entire nation was shocked by another mass shooting in Connecticut.  Many lives were lost, 26 to be exact, and I felt like any innocence I had felt was left was robbed.   It is hard to think that you can go to a park, send your child to school, go to a movie, or head to the mall without thinking you need to be painfully aware of your surroundings. 

This has also made me much more aware that we now have this little life that is looking at us for direction in his thoughts and feelings.  Mike and I kept talking about how sickened we were at the state of some peoples minds.  It was incomprehensible to us how someone could carelessly hurt so many.   This tragedy had us both saying, “Thank God it wasn’t our child,” “I don’t know what I would do,” “can you imagine what these parents are feeling?”   We were shook and sad, sharing in a national conversation about what needs to be done.  Just as the nation was laying these children and teachers to rest I got a call from Mike.  Five minutes after sending him a picture of our decorated Christmas tree with presents neatly wrapped underneath that said “we are going to have a very merry Christmas.”

I was just about to get the kiddos to lay down for a nap.  Which as of late, is quite the process because Thomas is wanting to skip a nap some days.  I hurriedly answered the phone and asked if it was anything important.  Which was followed by, yeah, I have some bad news to tell you.  Mike then told me that he had just been called by another buddy, Reid, and informed that the details were still fresh and new, but that they were at the hospital and Donny (Kevin, Charm) had died.  I don’t remember what I said then, but I do remember shaking, crying and saying no how did this happen. Then I looked at Thomas who was staring wide eyed at me and I knew I had to pull myself together. 

Once I calmed down, I was able to call Mike back and just hear it one more time, before it sunk in. Seriously, HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? It wasn’t a car accident or something like that it was a heart attack? Our 31 year old buddy had a heart attack, something must not be right here. Mike was on his way home from work and one of our buddies had died far too young. 

Thomas immediately came over as I was crying and gave me a hug.  He said what we always say to him when he is crying about something sad, “Don’t worry Mama, my here.”  To which the tears just couldn’t stop.  I set on some Curious George and sat nursing Elin and snuggling my boy.  My heart shattered not only for everyone who lost Donny, but for those he left behind.  His wife Katie, his parents, his brother, his….well everyone else.   I then started to explain why Mommy was sad and that when Daddy got home, he too was going to be sad.  I then got a glimpse at life and death through a toddlers eyes.

Our conversation went like this:
Me: T You see how mommy is crying and that I'm feeling really sad"
T: "why?" (Which sounds like y-i)
Me: "because one of our friends went to live in Heaven with God and even though we are so excited he will be in Heaven, we are really sad we won't be able to see him here anymore."
T: “That's what happens Mama, it's ok"
Me: "Your right Buddy, I know"
T: "My (I'm) here Mama, don't worry." He then goes and gets me a book and says "Mama I can share I have yats of friends, Dan, Gabe, Yitney (Whitney), Da-ya (Dahlia), Yilly, he then pauses to think Georgia, Ben, Haddy, Ste-ya. Don't worry mama we have yats of friends."

We do have lots of friends, Buddy, thanks for reminding Mommy of that.  In fact, Mike and I are blessed with a group of friends in Denver that is a once in a lifetime group of friends.  The guys have been friends for 10+ years, some knowing one another since grade school, high school or college.  They have seen girlfriends come and go, attended bachelor parties and weddings, watched families start, and along the way we girls have formed some amazing friendships too.  We have been so blessed with this group of friends, knowing what true friendship is, and they in turn have become part of our extended family.  This family was heartbroken, yet we have all been waiting wondering what do we do to help Katie.  Katie, Donny’s beautiful, sweet, kind, always wanting to give and help you, wife.  What are we going to do to help Katie, oh my God, what would I do if this was Mike crossed my mind.  There aren’t words for the thoughts that cross your mind when the reality of death moves in.  Death, it doesn’t spare anyone, at some point we will all die, but at 31? After being married for just over 3 months? Without warning, a heart attack?   Reality, life is not guaranteed, wow, life is not guaranteed.

I still remember the first time I met Donny.  It was the same day that Mike and I had met, December 2nd, or maybe it was the 3rd by this time of the night. After hitting some local bars we ended up at Ogden Street South.  Mike, Pat, Piper and I, walked in far more intoxicated than I care to admit.  Mike pointed out Donny and dared me to go start dancing with "his buddy in the cowboy boots.”  Trying to impress Mike, I obliged and Donny and I became fast friends.   A couple weeks after we met, he started dating the “intern” from his part time job.  Instantly, Katie’s pure kindness and charm was apparent.  The four of us quickly became friends and in the past 6 years have had so many memories together.  The sad reality for Mike and I is that the last time we saw them was to celebrate their marriage in August.

Donny and his lovely boot wearing bride were hands down two of the most thoughtful, genuine, giving people.   Our children were loved and spoiled by  Uncle Donny and Auntie Katie.  They loved life, their family and their friends.   They really did have a love that made other people, want that.  You could see the magic in their eyes when they looked at each other.  They were meant to be together, start a family, grow old together and make many more memories.   When Mike and I decided to move in together, they were skeptical, yet they were the first ones to offer to help Mike and I.  In fact, Donny still gives, well gave,  me a hard time about how much stuff I had packed in my 2 bedroom apartment.  That is just who they were, two people who were always willing to help you out with anything. 

When I sit here and think about memories to share there are so many, Apres ski days at Vendetta’s, Rocktober and other baseball games, Sunday night dinners, Monday night watching 24, moving, house parties, BBQs, late night dance parties at the Candle Light.  Mike has 5x as many memories as I do and the memories still don’t seem adequate enough.  Wednesday night Mike and I scrolled back through this blog and looked at all the pictures we have with Donny and Katie.  They are abundant, we have more on our hard drive and in our heads.  We laughed, we cried, and we talked about the “what now.”

The what now is the not easy part.  We grieve a great friend.  We take care of our other friend who is a widow at 28, so so wrong to even write that.  We continue to live life to the fullest and keep Donny’s memory alive.  We teach our children to enjoy life and we remind them of their “Uncle” who was always watching out for them.  We continue to grieve and will continue to do so.  We keep helping our little guy understand that Mommy and Daddy are here to stay and that is all he needs to worry about for now.  He too keeps reminding us that it is "it's ok, your friend was old."  He and Elin are really helping Mike and I see the brightness in the world.  God has a nice way of showing you what matters, when evil has entered the world.  Although, it is so difficult for us to understand why this has happened it has allowed Mike and I to continue to develop our faith together as a couple.  We sat on Thursday night and talked about what we each thought Heaven would be like, Heaven, a wonderful place with no tears and pain.  Where we get to see everyone that we have had to say “goodbye” to.  A place that we hope to go to, far far far in the future.

Life is precious, it isn't guarantee, one cannot live with regrets. Life. Isn't. Fair. Yet, in this moment of sorrow, We must look for what is beautiful and great with this world.  We must continue to live for those who cannot.  One breath and dream at a time.  

Charm, we will remember you as the one always ready to help us out, chanting “USA,” staying up for a late night showing of Aspen Extreme and as an all around amazing husband, son, and friend.   You were so many things to so many people, we love you so much and will miss you greatly…and…

May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind always be at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
and rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

 

 

Here are a couple other links about this wonderful guy we called our friend…

The Avalanche Community Remember Kevin Donaldson

Lara (Pat’s girlfriend and a real writer) on Donny