Several times in my adventure into mommy hood I have talked with friends about what changes. This might be kind of all over the place, but nonetheless, here it goes!
I must admit I AM guilty as charged when I said “things will change but they won’t change that much.” Mike and I have continued to do many of our pre baby activities. Do we go out to dinner as much, drink as much, ski or fish as much??? NO…but that is because we would rather be spending time together as a family and it makes the times we get to do those things very special. We now have a little person who adds to our adventures at dinner and we are excited to take skiing and fishing. I am proud of how many things we have done in fact with Thomas.
What has changed for me the most is my lack of desire to "be the “old” me.” Which to some is concerning. At this point, I have not yet felt the desire to leave Thomas for hours on end with a babysitter, go out to happy hours or the bar at night to drink, or take off for a weekend away. Will I ever want to do those things again… possibly. Would it be a lot easier to get away for a happy hour or a date here or there without Thomas if we had family in town…yes! The brutal truth is that paying $15 dollar an hour for my child to be terrified and home crying with a babysitter doesn’t make anything sound appealing to me…or Mike.
I really “love” the new me! I love what Thomas has added to our life. I love the simple pleasure that Mike and I have found in cooking in on the weekends or watching Thomas try new things. I am excited to be able to eventually leave him (and hopefully our other children) at home, WHEN the time is right for ALL of us. Thank God my husband is SO supportive of ME and how I feel about this. I truthfully could not be the type of mother I want to be without Mike standing by my side.
Without his unconditional support, I don’t know if I would still be going strong nursing our 10 month old. Which is a great gift to all three of us. Breastfeeding is such a natural thing to us. I am so glad that I have the ability to provide nourishment (among other things) for our child and continue to watch him grow. I also am grateful for Mike being understanding of the special bond Thomas and I have because of nursing. A good friend and far better writter than I wrote from her heart and it is what my heart and mind say too…Kylie said after weaning her daughter “So why the tears? Because I am going to miss the emotional and physical ties I have with her, my first born, and after all this dedication, I don’t want to give up. Sounds crazy considering “the girls” will finally belong to me again, I won’t be tethered to a child every 4 or so hours and my chest will (hopefully) shrink down to size, all sagging considered. I will though - I will miss this. I will miss the intimacy shared between my daughter and I in the quiet mornings and moments before bed time. I will miss stroking her hair, staring at her face and knowing all of this hard work hasn’t been for milk… it’s been for her. I’d do it all again, a million times, if I had to because it was the best start I could possibly sacrifice hours of my life for... it was the best way I could build immunity, prevent SIDS, colds and even infectious disease throughout life while creating emotional stability and the ideal mix of nutrients for her growing body. As a mother, it was the best I could do for her.” You can see the rest of her post here.
Plain and simple JUDGEMENT is always present in our world. I am again guilty as charged. I do “judge” others for things that I disagree with, however I try to remember I do not know their situation. Talking with a friend this weekend, she told me of another friend who put a night bonnet (black hood) on their child and then put the baby in its crib to go to sleep, 45 minutes of crying later the baby was sleeping. JUDGEMENT-“what in the hell were these parents thinking and how terrifying for the child.” BUT-if they didn’t do that would they have not slept and then been so sleep deprived that they would not have been able to care for him? I don’t know the answer to that. Sleep deprivation will make you think and do crazy things. This day and age after you have a baby the first question is “are they sleeping through the night?” Some people are blessed with babies that sleep from 8 p.m. to 7 a.m. without waking up, some are blessed with babies who go to bed at 8 p.m and sleep until 7 a.m and wake up here or there to eat. Thomas happens to fall in the later group. Many many friends have asked me “how do you still wake up with him,” my answer is always the same “I know no different and I choose to wake up with him and let him eat and return to sleeping.” At some point, HE will decide he is ready to sleep longer and not eat. I do not feel the need to train his body. Until then I try to sleep as much as possible and sneak naps in here or there…otherwise I will admit, I am a crazy person too!
Truth be told I think that some of the ideas books put out there are barbaric. Thousands of years ago there were no books on how to raise kids and people figured it out. I feel that books make people feel like what they are doing is someone else’s directive or the book said it and therefore it makes it right. There are many books and things out there now giving advice on how to get your baby to sleep, eat, and fit into your lifestyle.
Parenthood is a series of choices. We all as parents get the RIGHT to decide how to raise our children. MOST parents do not make any decision that they think could adversely affect their child or children. It has been Mike and I’s parenting philosophy to do the research and then stand by our decisions. We have made many decisions that others have judged, however our child is healthy and thriving. That is truthfully all that matters and that it works for us. Which is the most important thing to us.
One more judgment and then I will be finished for a bit…I wish that every parent loved being a parent. It is an amazing responsibility that pays you back a thousand fold. Where my annoyance comes is when I see parents who have children and don’t enjoy it. Case in point, at the aquarium a few weeks ago, mind you Thomas and Lilli had made a huge mess and were talking up a storm, a mother at an adjacent table was shushing her kid after he was telling her about the fish-excuse me-it is an AQUARIUM no one is mad about a kid talking! One more…when parents freak out about their child getting messy or messing things up…LET THEM EXPLORE!
Single friends give your Mommy and Daddy friends a break. Other parents…smile and try to not make other parents feel like what they are doing is wrong. Everyone needs to do what they feel is right and judgments are meant to be blogged about :-) Parenthood is hard! Stand strong by your choices and please forgive me if I have offended you in any way with my JUDGEMENT :-)